Motherhood May Be the Highest Form of Leadership
Last month, I finished a book on femininity and Christianity called Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. The book was written as a response to John’s popular book on masculinity, Wild at Heart. As someone who has never considered myself particularly “girlish”, I was incredibly skeptical purchasing the book, and still have my critiques of some of the characterizations. Overall, I appreciated how the book steered away from two tropes: the unattainable “Proverbs 31” traditional gender role framework, and the belittling “Adam’s rib” positioning of women as mere extensions of men. At one point in Captivating, Stasi writes that women were instrumental to every great story in the Bible. When John suggested they write “most” instead, Stasi responded “Didn’t they have mothers?!” This led me to ponder: Maybe motherhood is the highest form of leadership anyone can experience or witness.
A few years ago, I interviewed my mom for a leadership development project. I expected her to talk about her role as a 1st grade teacher. Parents at our small private school fought to make sure their children got into her class. As one of the few Black teachers, she was in particular demand by Black parents who appreciated her understanding and teaching. I expected her to talk about or her role as a manager at Goodwill. When asked her greatest accomplishment, she said us, her children.
Every Mothers Day my mom pulls out some of our handmade cards and letters from childhood.
My biggest blessing in life is that I am fortunate enough to have this woman as my mother and my first leader. A leader’s responsibility is to guide their followers to achieve some goal or outcome. My mother led/parented with a trust that allowed me to be myself, explore, and test the boundaries. The best leaders empower others to be leaders, and my mother’s dogged insistence on Philippians 4:13 is the cornerstone of my ambition. She managed to raise three little girls to be very different personalities, but very confident women and very capable leaders in our own unique ways, and for that I am forever grateful.
I am reminded of a quote by a student I interviewed: Leadership is firsthand. Motherhood is indeed, firsthand. Mothering is active and personal. Being a mother is an intimate experience and bond. Physically, mothers are a literal embodiment of the term lifeblood. Their bodies are greenhouses and fountains. Emotionally, their hearts are enigmatic chambers that pump life out. A mother’s heart is soft tissue to soothe, and strong muscle to support.Each person’s leadership style and story are unique. Some carefully plan their paths to leadership and some have it thrust upon them in crisis. Some patiently wait or ache for leadership, and some lead silently from the back. Many do the work of leadership without the title or recognition. Indeed, these could all describe different journeys of motherhood. Some mothers have lost and some have lost mothers. There are countless aunts, godmothers, grandmothers, stepmothers, mentors, teachers, neighbors and mentors who do the work of mothering.
I snapped this pic last August at Elli’s “school”. My sister Candice is an amazing mom and a great role model of a young mommy for me and our younger sister Kirsten.
There have been “other mothers” who modeled leadership for me by going above and beyond what’s expected. My godmother is a constant fixture in my life and a reminder that presence is one of the greatest gifts. My mother’s friends and my friend’s mothers who stood in the gap when my mom was hospitalized for months while carrying my sister to term. Mrs. Purdin was never my teacher, but always took the time to encourage me. In seventh grade, Mrs. Fairweather saw my early interest in Blackness and literature and gave me my first Toni Morrison book. This semester, Dr. Mulder has continuously encouraged me to write a book, not knowing this has been a dream of mine. Sorors in Delta who have provided mentorship, candor, and a hot meal on cold holidays in Indiana. Family members who may not fully understand what my research entails, but are fully confident I can get it done.
In my doctoral program, we study various theories of leadership. In all of these theories, there is one constant: followers. Leadership is dependent on people. You can manage machines, you can manage budgets, you can manage time, you can manage tasks, you can manage projects. You can only lead people. Mothers as creators and caretakers of people, play an invaluable role in humanity. They are our first, and perhaps best, leaders.
Me and my #1 after Mothers Day Brunch
Happy Mothers Day from me and mine to you and yours!